In just a couple short months I’ll be celebrating my one year wedding anniversary. You know, they say the first year of marriage is the most challenging. This is probably due to the fact that you’re really just trying to find your footing in life - trying not to mess up, trying to save money, trying to buy a house, trying to have kids (or not), trying to do this and trying to do that. I've learned a lot in the past year, but today I wanted to share with you some of my favorites.
The most important and valuable thing about marriage, to me,
is what you learn and what you do with what you learn.
1. You can’t (and shouldn’t want to) change the person you married.
My husband is the sweetest. No, really. He is my Prince Charming. But even Prince Charming has his days, doesn’t he? I’ve quickly learned that forcing change, in any way, can cause serious tension in a relationship. I’ve tried my best to learn to love the quirky things my husband does. The things that just make me want to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs. You know what I’m talking about. Just remember, you married this person because you loved them.
2. Patience is key.
I am impatient. There, I said it. On the other hand, my husband is one of the most patient people I have ever met. He doesn’t have road rage, he doesn’t mind standing in line behind a family with carts upon carts of groceries, and he let’s me blab about my work days (which takes the most patience of all). I find that his patience is one of my favorite things about him. Me, on the other hand? This is one of my qualities I work on the most. Patience is key to any relationship being successful. Patience is giving your partner the chance to finish a sentence or idea before cutting them off in a discussion or argument. Patience is having the strength to go with the flow of life and understand that things won’t always go your way. Being patient is just good for your overall well-being.
3. Align your goals.
My husband and I are dreamers. We love to think about the future and talk about where we want to be in a year, 5 years, even 10 and 20 years. It’s so fun to even look back on the 4+ years we’ve been together and see how things have changed. The thing with dreams and goals is, once you get married, if your goals and dreams are on the opposite end of the spectrum it will be hard to move forward to the next step. Meaning, if my husband had the itch to travel to every continent within the next 5 years, but I wanted to start trying for a baby tomorrow, that would be a tough discussion to have. Or, if he wanted to save up for a new home but I would rather invest in a new Celine bag, another difficult discussion to have. It’s important to be on the same page and always communicate about what you want to accomplish as a family next.
4. “Me Time” is more important now than ever before.
I love spending time with my husband, and I should. However, there are days that I just really want to go and get a mani/pedi without talking to anyone! Always remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this desire or the way it makes you feel. Having a girl’s day is always something I look forward to.
5. Always value the big and little traditions you make together.
It’s funny when two people from completely different backgrounds come together and start a family. What traditions do we keep up that have been a part of us since we were young? What traditions do we do away with? What do we both see as a valuable tradition? It could be something as simple as watching the same three Christmas movies on Christmas Eve or Black Friday shopping as a family (yeah, like that would ever happen). I really love the idea of creating new traditions with my husband and my family. It’s something that is unique to you and really fun to look forward to.
6. Stay calm when you don’t understand each other and find a way to compromise.
This is something I’ve learned in the past few months. When big and exciting things start happening to you as a newly married couple, like buying a house, you reeeeally get to see what types of differences you and your partner have. Fenced yard? Garage? Colonial or Cape? You’ll quickly find that there are just some things you don’t agree on - and, wait for it - it’s okay! No matter if you’re married or literally stuck together with glue, you are two different people. With two different brains. With two (sometimes) different opinions. Differences can create some of the best conversation. “Why do you like that over this?” It’s fun to learn more about each other that way.
7. Stay honest, even if it hurts.
You know this already, but honesty is also key - in addition to patience. Honesty is the center of most relationships as it keeps it pure and safe. Honesty isn’t always peaches and cream, though. It can sting when your partner says, “No, love, that top looks awful on you.” It can also sting when your partner says, “I have never been so mad at you in my life. This is why I’m upset. Why did you do that?” Honesty is communication and communication keeps a clear mind. I used to have a hard time with my husband confronting me about certain subjects, things that maybe I did wrong or dropped the ball on. Now, I do try my best to hear him out, be patient, and learn from what he says. He does a great job at hearing me out when I’m frustrated with him, too.
Learning through relationships, and marriage, is never ending. I love that. If you have learned anything that you hold close, please share below!
XO
Carson Elaine
